Stories about Rose
by LAPIS FTW
Summary: The Gems decide it's time to share their stories of how Rose wasn't perfect. Alternatively, How Rose didn't believe in the moon, the time she decided to become a pimp, and when she became an edgy teenager for a year. (A PARODY FIC).
1. Why Rose didn't believe in the Moon

_**A/N- So I was reading our shit stories, I realized that there was a sort of running gag with the gems mentioned Rose doing weird shit**_

 _ **Ex: (Nanafue's Street Corner)- "[...] I would know, I tried that after I saw Greg and Rose doing anal [...] and the worst part was, Rose wasn't the one receiving it**_

 _ **(Pearl and Garnet's Adventure) "I still have nightmares about that time Rose decided to become a 'saleswoman' and tried to sell human hookers to us."**_

 _ **So I decided why not make that into a shittier story?**_

* * *

It t'was the night before Tuesday, and the Gems and Steven sat by the fireplace, no doubt sweating their asses off because they lit the fire in the middle of July. They argued it was necessary, however, because today was a special occasion. They were going to share stories about Steven's mother, the one and only Rose Quartz.

"Now Steven" Pearl started, as she sat down by the fire with an icepack, "If there is one thing you must understand about these stories, it's that your Mother isn't perfect." Pearl explained. Steven nodded, his eyes downcast.

"I know" Steven said quietly. He shifted slightly. He felt a hand on his back, he looked up and saw Garnet smiling at him.

"And also," Garnet said softly. Suddenly, her face became serious "If you happen to collapse from heatstroke during our stories, you don't know us, your name is Jimmy Bob and you're from the Czech Republic." Steven nodded at her, his eyes wide.

"R-right" He said shakily. He heard a laugh from behind him, and Amethyst flipped over him.

"Don't worry Steven, that won't happen again." Amethyst said cheerfully. Steven sighed, rubbing his head.

"I know, can we get on with what Pearl said? About Mom not being perfect?" Steven prompted the gems. They all looked towards Pearl, who cleared her throat.

"Ah, right. So your mother isn't perfect, and these stories will highlight that. We think you're old enough for it." Pearl explained. Steven grinned at her.

"Yeah! I can handle it!" Steven said excitedly. Pearl stared at him blankly.

"I know you can, I just said that." Pearl replied. The air became awkward. Garnet cleared her throat.

"Right, so anyway, who should start us off?" Garnet asked. No one answered, not willing to talk about their former leader. Garnet sighed.

"I guess I will start us off." Garnet said slowly, "I will talk about how your mom didn't believe in the moon."

All the Gems leaned in close, eager to hear her story.

* * *

Rose believed in a lot of things. She believed in the Gems who served in her army. She believed in there being good in anyone. She believed in going against what you were made for and and instead choosing your own path in life. There was, however, one thing she didn't believe in, and that was the moon.

She outright admitted it during a celebration after a successful raid on an enemy base. She was met with a stunned silence and blank stares of gems who were waiting for her to say 'Just kidding'. She never did say 'Just kidding', though, she just stared at them with a genuine smile as she began to speak again.

"I don't believe in the moon," She repeated "It's just not plausible, rocks are a work of fiction created by the Diamonds in an attempt to sell Flu medication for their secret Pharmacy in order to raise money for their pet shop project. The moon is basically a giant rock, so the moon, therefore, does not exist" Rose ranted. She was once again met with a stunned silence. She heard a gem in the distance whisper to her friend.

"I think she had too much cactus juice" the two gems snickered, and slowly everyone began to laugh along with them, chiming in with their theories of why their leader was attempting to convince them that the moon didn't exist. Rose listened intently to all of them, waiting for a gem that actually agreed with her. When she heard no one, she let out a puff of air, pouting slightly.

"Don't worry, you will all be enlightened soon! I managed to convince Pearl, so I have no doubt that I will convince you all too!" Rose said. Pearl, who was previously was trying to not-so-inconspicuously take a shit behind a tree, rushed to her side at the mention of her name. She halted and saluted to Rose, puffing out her chest.

"At your service Rose!" Pearl spoke confidently, Rose turned to her.

"Pearl, tell them that you don't believe in the moon either!" Rose demanded, Pearl faltered slightly at her command.

"W-what? What are you talking about? I believe in the moon." Pearl said. Rose gasped, covering her mouth with both hands. She turned back towards the crowd of Gems, her eyes scanning for someone in particular until she spotted a certain cotton-candy hair individual.

"Garnet!" Rose called, Garnet's head snapped up from the crowd, looking at her leader. She scrambled towards her, until she stood in front of her.

"Yes Rose?" Garnet said. Rose crossed her arms and looked at her sternly.

"Do you believe in the moon?" Rose asked her. Garnet gave her a confused look.

"Yes, why?" She said slowly. Rose's eyes widened considerably. She looked around the crowd, suddenly taking gulps of unneeded air as she backed away from everyone, until she hit a tree. She ignored the worried questions of her comrades as she pointed towards the crowd.

"I can't believe it, you're all Nincompoops!" Rose claimed, "Sent by White Diamond to spread lies about the moon's existence!" Rose suddenly pulled out a pair of golden panties and pointed it towards the crowd of gems.

"I will cleanse you all in time! First, the war on Homeworld, then, the War on the Moon!" Rose growled out, she turned and ran from the scene, whooping out nonsense before tripping and falling flat on her face. She didn't let that stop her through, as she quickly got up and began to run again, until she disappeared from sight. Pearl and Garnet looked at each other, before they began to follow her. The followed her footprints until eventually they came into a clearing in the woods, they saw Rose scribbling something onto a rock, murmuring quietly to herself. Pearl was the first to approach her.

"Rose..." She tried. Rose jumped up into the air and tackled Pearl to the ground. She began to slap her with the golden pair of panties. ignoring Pearls cries and pinning her down with her body.

"Rose, stop it! What is wrong with you!" Pearl screamed at her. Rose ignored her, hollering out-

"Death to the mooners! Soon you will all see reason!" Rose continued to hit her with the pair of panties. Behind her, Garnet was staring at them with wide eyes. She stared at them for a while before looking up, rubbing her chin.

"I could probably Masturbate to this later." Garnet said thoughtfully. She turned on her heel and walked back into the woods.

* * *

"So, mom didn't believe in the moon?" Steven asked again. Garnet nodded.

"Even a couple years ago, before you were born, she still tried to hit us with that golden pair of panties in order to convince us of her way of thinking." Garnet explained. Steven let out a 'wow' as he stared at her with starry eyes.

"I never though that... that Anyone would agree with me!" Steven said excitedly, he ignored the confused 'huhs?' from the gems as he looked at his hands.

"All this time, I thought I was alone" Steven whispered. Amethyst looked at him weirdly, shifting away from him a bit.

"Uh, dude, you've been on a moon base, remember?" She reminded him, "You sang that stupid song 'I was walking on the moon one day.' " Steven shook his head.

"Only a clever hologram by the Diamonds of course, it's obvious that the moon doesn't exist!" Steven proclaimed. The gems stared at him.

"You really are your Mother's son." Pearl murmured. She shook her head. "Nonetheless, it's my turn now." She rubbed her chin.

"Now, where should I begin?"

* * *

 _ **A/N- Wow, you get this far, congratulations on the lose of brain cells I guess.**_


	2. The Time Rose became a Pimp

_**A/N- Back at it again with another update. I wouldn't get too comfortable though**_

* * *

Rose was many things; A leader, a friend, a mentor, a lover, a moon non-believer, but one thing that the Gems never expected her to be was a pimp. She got the idea after visiting a human trafficking ring in order to get her 'fix' (It was Kinder Eggs, which are illegal in the USA, mind you), and came home with a fur coat, a sloped hat with a feather on top and a pair of grills.

"Rose, what's with the new look?" Pearl asked her leader. Rose sneered at her, and pulled down her expensive sunglasses to glare at her.

"Excuse me, but you shall only address me as the 'Pimping Quartz of Human Trafficking', slut." Rose growled at her. Pearl gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.

"W-what did you just call me?" Pearl asked shakily. Rose spat at the floor of the temple and walked towards her, suddenly producing a paddle in the shape of a hand from her gem. She whacked Pearl on the butt with it, causing her to yelp.

"Hey, what was that for?" Pearl whimpered out, rubbing her rump. Rose scoffed.

"That, my girl, was the Pimp hand of Discipline, which is what you'll receive if you defy me." Rose explained, poking Pearl in the chest with her finger. She backed away from her and looked around. "Where's Garnet? She has a mighty fine ass that needs to be put to work." Rose growled out. She produced a cigar from her pocket and lit it, taking a puff from it before coughing violently.

"Ack! Son of a Bitch!" Rose cried out, beating on her chest. She flicked the cigar at Pearl (Setting her on fire in the process) and instead pulled out a pack of candy cigarettes from her pocket. She put one in her mouth and began to chew it, ignoring Pearl's screams and how she ran around the room, attempting to put out the fire. Rose grunted and turned away from Pearl, walking towards the Temple door and using her Gem open up her room.

Stepping into her room of clouds, the last thing she expected to find was Garnet receiving a lap dance from a stripper, or that she would be throwing money at said stripper. They both looked at Rose with shock. Embarrassed, Garnet cleared her throat.

"Ahem, y-you weren't supposed to be back yet." Garnet said meekly. Rose continued to stare at her, until a broad grin split across her face.

"Good! I see you are already practicing to become one of my girls." Rose clapped her hands together. "Your name won't be Garnet though, it's too flashy. I'm going to brand you as Uniqua instead!" Rose proclaimed, crossing her arms and looking quite proud of herself. Garnet raised an eyebrow behind her shades.

"You're naming me after a Backyardigan?" Garnet asked her. Rose gasped, rushing over and slapping Garnet upside the head with the Pimp Hand of Discipline.

"No, bad Uniqua! You're not supposed to predict shows before they come out; And don't make fun of my main girl Uniqua!" Rose scolded. Garnet rubbed her cheek, looking up at Rose with a confused look.

"I never made fun of it, and I didn't predict the show! Rose, did you get into Amethyst's stash again?" Garnet looked at Rose strangely. Rose hissed at her, slapping her yet again with the Pimp hand.

"Shut the fuck up, bitch. That was one time and you know it was your fault too!" Rose snapped at her. Garnet put her hands up in defense.

"How was I supposed to know that Amethyst hid all of her kush in a extremely flammable pile?!" Garnet shot back. Rose growled again, and raised up the Pimp Hand once more. This time, Garnet dodged it by jumping out of the chair. the Pimp Hand smashed into the chair, effectively breaking it. Rose turned and glared at Garnet, who was staring at her with wide eyes. She quickly got up and ran away from Rose.

"Oh no you don't! The Pimp Hand is hungry for discipline!" Rose called out, chasing after Garnet. Garnet quickly ran, looking around for the pole that lead her to the burning room. Amidst the pink clouds, she caught sight of a red pole and rushed towards it. Rose was right at her heels. Garnet quickly jumped down the the hole, Rose followed closely after her.

"You can't escape the Pimping Quartz of Human Trafficking! My mentors said I do a good job of hunting!" Rose called out after Garnet during their freefall. Garnet turned around to look her.

"What Mentors?! You were literally out for an hour!" Rose didn't reply, or at least she didn't hear it. Garnet's back made contact with stone with a sickening ' _Crack!'_ , and she let out a groan. She looked up and realized Rose was falling rapidly towards her. She turned to looked at her side, and noticed that Amethyst was passed out beside her (No doubt from huffing paint again). She grabbed her hand and slapped it.

"I tap out" Garnet said, picking up Amethyst and putting her in her spot as she rolled away from the hole. Rose crashed down on amethyst, effectively waking her up.

"Ow, what the hell?!" Amethyst cried out, rolling away from Rose and holding her stomach, she glared at the assaulter. Her glare quickly turned into a look of confusion when she saw who it was, though.

"Rose, what are you doing?" She asked her leader. Rose didn't answer, instead she slapped her with the Pimp Hand. Amethyst let out a small cry and rubbed her head.

"The fuck?!" She said angrily. Rose grinned at her, swinging the pimp hand over her shoulder.

"The Pimp Hand's hunger has been sated, for now!" Rose proclaimed. She stood up and put her hands on her hips, looking down at Amethyst.

"I have decided that your name will be Cinnamon." Rose stated. Amethyst looked up at her, confused. her eyes slowly widened in realization, and she became starry eyed as she gasped.

"Rose, are we pimping now?!" The young Gem asked Rose. Rose smiled at her, nodding. Amethyst let out an exaggerated noise of excitement as she stood up. She pumped her fist in the air.

"Yes! I have a G-String that I have been wanting to use for the longest time now! I'm going to go try it on!" Amethyst ran out of the room. Rose, having nothing else to do, waited for her. Amethyst came back into the room moments later, wearing only a G-String. She posed for Rose.

"How do I look?" She asked seductively. Rose rubbed her chin thoughtfully.

"Hmm, I give you a 10." Rose grinned at her, giving her a thumbs up. Amethyst whooped. Rose walked towards her, putting her hand on her back.

"Now come now, young whore, we need to convert Pearl and Garnet to the way of the pimp." As if on cue, a severely burned Pearl walked into the room, glaring at Rose.

"Rose, this joke as gone on too far- OH LARDY, AMETHYST WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?!" Pearl screeched, covering her eyes with her arms. Amethyst crossed her arms and huffed.

"That's Cinnamon to you." Amethyst corrected her. Pearl uncovered her eyes and stared at her blankly, before faceplaming.

"Oh no, don't tell me you're in on it too." Pearl sighed. Rose let out a grunt, strutting towards Pearl and smacking her upside the head with the Pimp Hand.

"Being a Pimp ain't no game, slut. This is the real deal, I'm running this show. You'll be known as Sweet and Sour sauce for now on. Now, my little papayas, let's go find Garnet and convert her to our pimping ways." Pearl, with no other choice, groaned and followed after Rose and Amethyst.

In an event that later inspired that one scene from "The Empire Strikes Back" where Luke learns about Darth Vader being his father. Rose managed to convert Garnet to the way of the Pimp Hand. After Rose had gathered up the first of her many girls, she set off to become the most famous Pimp in Beach City

* * *

"So... My mom didn't believe in the moon... and she was a pimp at one point?" Steven asked slowly, in an attempt to understand everything the gems had been telling him. Pearl nodded.

"I was exaggerating at the last part, she wasn't very famous, but she did become a self-proclaimed pimp." Pearl explained to Steven. He looked at her strangely.

"And she really called you guys Uniqua, Cinnamon, andi Sweet and Sour Sauce?" Steven asked. Pearl nodded once more. Steven looked at Amethyst.

"You went along with it?" He questioned her, Amethyst grinned.

"Yep!" She said, popping the 'P'. Steven looked back at Pearl.

"And she disciplined you with the pimp hand?" Pearl nodded, slightly embarrassed. Finally, Steven looked at Garnet.

"And you were getting a lap dance." He finished. Garnet stared at him blankly.

"We don't talk about that." She stated. She looked towards Amethyst. "I think it's your turn now." Amethyst grinned at her, sitting up from her previous position.

"Damn right! Now, where do I begin?"

* * *

 _ **A/N- I admittedly had a bit too much fun with this one.**_


	3. Rose's Fetish for Holes

**_A/N- Still here? Alright then, here's another chapter._**

* * *

Rose was many, many things. She was a leader, a lover, a moon non-believer, a pimp, a Diamond breaker, an 8-foot tall curly-haired woman, an active member of a cannibalism forum, and many, many more things. However, never in my life did I expect her to be a hole enthusiast. Come to think of it, I think the only reason she found me in the kindergarten because she was trying to fulfill her hole fetish. I'm not talking the dirty stuff, so get your mind out of the gutter; I'm talking about actually holes in the ground. She would periodically stop us during missions just so she could stick her foot in a hole in the ground, or she would come crying to us for help when she forced herself into a hole in the kindergarten and couldn't get out.

"Pearl, help me into this." Rose asked kindly. Pearl, who automatically assumed that Rose meant for her to zip up a dress and already had thought of a plan to coax her into doing some mad butt stuff later tonight, turned to Rose, who was attempting to fit herself into an inch wide crack in the wall. Pearl scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"Rose, with all due respect, you simply just cannot fit into that hole." Pearl said. Rose whipped her head around to glare at her.

"Tell that to Greg." Rose snapped back, and she continued to try and fit herself into the hole. Not at all impressed by her leaders antics (And also green with envy at the mention of that freeloader Greg) she turned her nose to the air and stomped off to her room. Rose wasn't alone for long however, as seconds later the warp pad had lit up and garnet and Amethyst stepped off of it.

"Oh Garnet, Amethyst! Help me into this hole!" Rose asked. Amethyst crossed her arms and glared at her.

"No, you ruined my gloryhole so you don't deserve my help!" Amethyst snarled, her eyes shifted off to the side, and mumbled "That was my favorite gloryhole too."

Rose looked to Garnet for help, smiling sweetly at her.

"Garnet, will you help me fit into this hole?" Rose asked. Garnet frowned and shrugged her shoulders.

"I can't, I miss my mark every time. Just ask Pearl." Garnet said simply, as she turned back to the temple to enter her room. Rose slammed her fist against the wall.

"Damn it, why can't you guys just be enablers for once and help me into this hole! I did not save your asses' on the strawberry battlefield just for y'all to deny me of my fix!" Rose shouted to the heavens, hoping that there was some earthly god out there that would hear her cries and would come down to the earth to help her into this damn hole. There was no god that heeded her word, though, and instead she was stuck in her pitiful holeless state. Rose sniffled, feeling tears come to her eyes.

"I just want to be in a hole." She sobbed, tearing running down her face and dripping onto the hole. The crack fixed itself, and Rose stared at it with wide eyes.

"Sure... Just add insult to injury, huh?" she mumbled bitterly. She stepped away from the wall sadly, her head down and she slowly trudged her way away from the temple. She went down to the beach below and sat in the sand. She could dig a hole here, but it wouldn't be the same, she needed a hole that was made for her, not by her. She sighed wistfully. She felt something nudge her ass and she jumped up.

"SWEET GRANNY'S TART BISCUITS! BUY ME DINNER FIRST!" She yelled gruffly, turning around to glare at the assaulter. While she expected to see a human (Or Pearl), she instead saw a pink Lion. It was tilting its head towards her. Curiosity overcame her, and she stuck her hand into the Lion's mane, she gasped softly as it slid in. Without another thought, she jumped in. She opened her eyes to see a vastly pink world, but that's not what interested her.

"Oh. My. God! My very own hole!" Rose gasped out, her eyes turning to stars as she jumped out of the mane and-

* * *

"YOU KNEW ABOUT LION THIS WHOLE TIME? Pun not intended." Pearl screeched at Amethyst, who threw her hands up in surrender.

"Hey, did you want to know him as Rose's secret pet or did you want to know him as Rose's Fetish Fuel?!" Amethyst said angrily. Pearl gave it a moment of thought, and then sighed.

"No, you're right. I'm sorry. Please continue." She forced out through gritted teeth, pitching the bridge of her nose with her fingers. Amethyst scoffed.

"Anyway-"

* * *

-Ran back to the temple. Her mood was brightened, and she did a happy strut into the main part of the temple. She was oblivious to her surrounding due to her sheer joy of finding a new hole. She didn't even notice Pearl's screams of 'Wrong hole! WRONG HOLE!' and Garnet incessant apologies, nor did she notice Amethyst carrying off a presumably dead human for 'the winter' (as she quickly explained to the passing Gem). She smiled to herself.

She had found the perfect hole.

* * *

"The end!" Amethyst proclaimed, grinning as she fell backwards. Steven stared at her, his mouth slightly agape.

"I noticed there was a pattern with this story; everything that you guys mentioned had to do with holes. Rose trying to fit into a hole, Amethyst's having a gloryhole, Garnet not able to stay out of a hole-" Pearl scoffed

"Three eyes and she still can't keep it out of my ass." She interjected. Steven ignored her.

"And Pearl always gets it in the wrong hole." Steven finished, he was clutching at his head. The gems looked at him worriedly.

"Steven, are you alright?" Garnet asked Steven. He didn't answer her; he just stared at the floor with wide eyes. He looked back at the gems.

"Does that mean?" He whispered, "You are all obsessed with holes as well?" He asked them. The gems looked at him, their eyes began to gradually widen, and jaws dropped.

Somewhere, in the deep realms of Steven's gem, the voice of Rose can be heard saying.

 ** _"ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED."_**

* * *

 ** _A/N- Bad joke I know. Sue me._**


	4. The Time Rose Became a Lamp

**_A/N- What? You thought this was over? You really thought you can get out of this story so easily?_**

 ** _Lol._**

* * *

Steven opened his eyes to find an endless stretch of pink clouds in front of him. He sat up and rubbed his eyes groggily. He got to his feet and yawned, reaching behind him to scratch his ass.

"Pearl, Garnet, any breakfast, toast and corn flakes?" He mumbled out sleepily, not yet realizing exactly where he was. When he received no answer from Pearl or Garnet, he looked up to see the vast emptiness. That definitely woke him up.

"Huh? Where am I? Did I sleep walk into Mom's room again?" He asked himself, he looked around some more, trying to see if he could spot the Temple door among the clouds.

"No you didn't, my little egg mcmuffin, you are in the dream world." He heard a familiar voice behind him. He gasped and whipped around to see Rose standing there, looking very nonchalant. He felt tears well in his eyes.

"Mom?" He whispered, his voice watery. Rose hummed, looking at her nails.

"Queen is here." She replied simply, disinterested. Steven ran to his mom, intent on hugging her, but she pushed him away and huffed.

"Do not touch me with those filthy hands; I know what you do under the covers!" She scolded him. Stevens drew his hands back, looking very offended. He sniffled.

"You don't want a Steven hug?" He whimpered. Rose scoffed, turning away from him and sitting down on the floor of clouds.

"Stop being sensitive and sit down you little shit, mamma gon tell you a story." Rose said. Steven let out an excited gasp, forgetting his previous distress; he ran to Rose's side and sat down next to her, smiling at her.

"Story for Steven!" He whooped out, throwing his hands in the hair and effectively smacking Rose upside the head. He winced and looked at Rose, who was rubbing her cheek.

"Sorry." He said meekly, Rose turned to look at him, her face blank.

"You know, the last person that bitched slapped me name was Pink diamond, and you know what happened to her." Rose said in a false cheerful tone. Steven nodded.

"Yeah, about that-" He began, but Rose shushed him.

"Not now, my little mistake, I'm telling you a real story, not any that biased shit those failures have been telling you." Rose said, patting his back as she began.

* * *

Rose was a lot of things: A leader, a lover, a friend, a Moon nonbeliever, a Pimp, A Hole Enthusiast, An Active Third-Person Speaker, a moderator on the deep web forum 'Underground Families'. However, if there was nothing that NONE of the gems ever expected her to be, was a lamp. It all started when Humans finally invented the light-bulb, which of course led to the invention of the lamp. The moment she saw a lamp she was absolutely fascinated, and from then on she knew what she wanted to be in life.

It was stormy day in beach city, and without natural lighting or artificial light near the temple, it was as black Yellow Pearl's cold, dead heart. On this day, some people described it as gloomy, sad, or 'Just another Saturday, you fucking twatwaffle'. (As described by Mr. Manfry) But for Rose, this day was legendary. This was the day she would live out her days as a lamp. So she crept into one of the many tunnels in the Temple, perched on top of a nightstand she had bought previously and shape shifted herself into a lamp, light bulb and all.

It took a while for the Gems to notice Rose's sudden disappearance, or the fact that they had suddenly acquired a new lamp overnight. Garnet passed by her without a second glance, Pearl would occasionally examine her before muttering 'It reminds me of Rose', then she would leave the room to go 'Polish her swords', and Amethyst would sometimes store human hands into the drawers of her nightstand. When they finally noticed that the lamp was Rose, they were not very amused by their leader's shenanigans.

"Rose, for the love of the stars, please stop being a lamp." Pearl prompted her. Rose said nothing, as she was a lamp. Garnet tried next.

"Rose, without your guidance, we will be lost and confused, so please, stop being a lamp" Garnet had said. Rose still said nothing, as she had become one with the way of the lamp. Finally, Amethyst tried.

"Can I join you?" Amethyst said excitedly. Rose said nothing, because she was a lamp. Still, Amethyst squealed and climbed up on the nightstand with her, turning into a lamp as well. Pearl groaned and smacked her forehead.

"Not you too! Garnet, tell her to- GARNET!" Pearl shrieked at her comrade, who was shape shifted into a Power Conduit, with Amethyst and Rose plugged into her sockets. She heard Garnet's voice come from the socket.

"Don't ruin the fun, poser" Garnets voice commanded. Pearl groaned out loud.

"Why do I live with idiots?" She asked herself, pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers. The Lamps and the Conduit didn't reply, instead they sat there... being lamps and conduits. Pearl stared at them; temptation was getting to her, she didn't like to be left out. She fidgeted slightly, and then turned around, sticking her nose into the air.

"No, I will not stoop to your level of ridiculousness." She said to herself more then to the others. She felt an urge start to take over. She sighed, giving in.

"Alright, just this once." She said, she walked over to the nightstand and crawled up it, then she shaped shifted into a coaster.

They remained there for years, not even stopping to get rid of corrupted monsters. Although to be fair, years did only feel like days to gems, so it wasn't like they were aware of how long they were various items of furniture. Surprisingly enough through, Garnet was the first to crack, reverting back to her previous form, she panted slightly, exhausted from remaining in shape for so long.

"I'm out; Rose and Amethyst can only be inside of me for so long until I crack." She said, turning around and walking off to her room. Only a week later, Pearl cracked next, she was sobbing as she reverted back.

"I'm never shape shifting again!" She bitched, before running off crying like a little bitch to her room. Finally, Amethyst broke, reverting back, mumbling about 'sacrificing to our lord chin-chin.' while dragging her whip behind her. Rose stayed as a lamp, however, for a long, long time. Exactly 100 years, in fact; no amount of coaxing from the gems could get her to revert back. Finally, one day, while the Gems were talking to the lamp, Rose entered the tunnel.

"Hey guys, what are you up to?" Rose asked them, setting down a bound and gagged human man on the floor. He whimpered and attempted to crawl away from Rose, but she put her foot on top of him. The gems stared at her, jaws dropped.

"Y-You weren't a lamp at all?!" Pearl sputtered, looking back and forth between the lamp and Rose. Rose gave her a confused look.

"No, I was out getting me some dick. Why would I be a lamp?" Rose asked. The gems didn't answer, still staring at her. She shrugged and picked up the human man. She growled at him.

"Come on baby, let's get sexy." She whispered into his ear gruffly as she walked to her room. The gems trailed her with their eyes, before fainting.

* * *

"So you wanted to be a lamp, but you never were?" Steven asked slowly, looking up at his mom. She scoffed.

"Why would I be a lamp when the average Male dick size is 4.7 to 6.3 inches?" She asked him giddy. Steven looked at her strangely. She laughed and leaned close to him.

"Don't worry about it, your dad is hung." She whispered to him. Steven's eyes widened and he looked down at his shorts. Rose laughed again, standing up.

"Alright, well, that's my story about me; it's time for you to wake up." She said. She clapped her hands.

Steven jolted awake; he looked around to see his room. He fell back to his pillow and sighed.

"It wasn't her; it was just a vivid dream." He said sadly. He rolled over, and fell back into a dreamless state.

* * *

 ** _A/N- I was going to finish this story off with that last chapter, but honestly I'm having too much fun writing Rose as a weirdo._**

 ** _Who should tell Steven a story next? I don't know, I'm making this up as I go along; though I am open to suggestion, characters and what the story should be about._**


	5. An Emo Rose is a Dangerous Rose: Part 1

**_A/N- Wow, I actually got suggestions. I'm surprised; I thought no one actually cared enough for this story to suggest ideas ;). I jest of course, there has to be SOME enjoyment if people keep coming back to it, either because they hate or love it._**

* * *

Steven awoke in a sleepy daze. He was unsure if he was actually awake or he was dreaming again. Wiping the sleep out of his eyes, he looked around to find that he was at his house and not the haven of pink clouds. Yawning, Steven stretched and lifted himself from the bed. He was vaguely aware of the fact that the Gems haven't seemed to move from their spot from the fireplace, as if frozen in time because the narrator hasn't brought them back to the story. However, when he stepped down the stairs, the Gems seemed to snap to attention, looking at him and smiling.

"Oh, Steven! Did you sleep well?" Pearl asked him. He shrugged as he walked towards the fridge. He paused though, as if remembering something.

"Hey guys," He started, his voice unsure "Did Mom ever become a lamp?"

The Gems looked at him strangely. Garnet answered for him.

"Rose did a lot of things that we don't understand. Including being a lamp" Steven nodded at her answer, slightly concerned about the way the Gems seemed to stare off into space at the mention of Rose being a lamp. He opened the fridge and fished out a donut, as per his usual breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He faltered slightly.

"Hey, do we ever buy any other foods besides donuts, pizza, and waffles?" He asked the gems. They did not answer, as they were too busy getting raging hard-ons at the mention of Rose. He sighed softly as he made his way to the door.

"I'm going to hang out with dad" Steven said. The Gems ignored him, as they were in Rose Limbo at the moment.

* * *

As Steven walked down the boardwalk, he noticed a strange lack of environment and character, almost as if **SOMEONE** had forgotten to mention them. He shrugged this off of course as he made his way to his Dad's car wash. As he entered the vicinity, he noticed his dad was drunk and passed out again. Grinning, he ran up to him.

"Hey dad!" Steven screamed in his ear. Greg jumped up and swung a bong around.

"You aren't taking my weed, fuckers!" Greg snarled. He noticed Steven in front of him. He laughed nervously and threw his bong behind him.

"Oh! Stew-ball! H-how long have you been here?" He said nervously, scratching the back of his head. Steven smiled at him. Greg laughed nervously once more.

"So, what brings you here?" He quickly changed the subject. Steven walked over to open van and sat down on it.

"Well, the Gems are all in their "I wish Rose was on top of me" Mood again, so I came here." Steven said quietly. Greg sighed, walking over to sit next to his son.

"Again? What did it this time?" Greg asked gently, placing a hand on his son's back. Steven sighed.

"Well, I asked them if Rose ever became a lamp, and they got all sad" Steven said. Greg stared at him. His eye twitched slightly.

"Y-You're joking right? _That's_ what did it?" Greg said in disbelief. Steven nodded. Greg sighed, smacking a hand on his head. He stayed like that for a while. He chuckled softly, causing Steven to look at him with question. Greg saw this and smiled, leaning back.

"You know, that kind of reminds me of Rose," He started "She used to get all emotional like that. It became even worse when she decided that she was going to go through a 13 year old Emo phase."

Steven gasped and scrambled into the van, fishing out Greg's guitar and shoving it into his hands.

"Storytime!" Steven said excitedly. Greg scoffed and threw the guitar to the ground.

"No son, this is not a musical story. This is a story of edginess. Son, fetch me my bong." Greg said gruffly. Steven nodded and went back inside the van, finding the bong on top of playboy magazines. He grabbed it and handed it to his dad, who took a hit from it.

"Alright, let's do this"

* * *

Rose was A LOT of things, if you couldn't tell. She was a leader, a lover, a friend, a moon nonbeliever, a diamond breaker, a pimp, a hole enthusiast, a lamp, a queen. I, for one, didn't really expect to add 'Emo' to that list. It happened quite suddenly, actually. One day, rose was all cheerful and happy, then the next day, she was wearing black and... Well, that was it. She didn't really understand emo, only the stereotypes she had heard of.

But BOY did she become emotional. Every other day was ' Fuck this' or "I'm going to write poetry about my life". It got even worse when she found out about Edgar Allen Poe and began reciting his poetry every night while in a dark closet with a single candle lit.

"Rose, come on, this has got to stop" Greg said, brushing his thinning hair behind his ears. Rose grunted, more focused on carving a pentagram in a wall then Greg.

"I told you that my name is Ivory Light Alzheimer's Crow Endnow, and I won't listen to you." Rose growled out. It was a literal growl; she had been practicing her growls now. She can now 'Oh wa wa wa' like a Professional. Greg sighed, slapping a hand over his head.

"Rose, this isn't even Emo, it's just trying too hard." He groaned out. Rose whipped her head to glare at him, her eyeliner streaming down her face from the sheer quantity of it.

"I am Emo! This isn't a phase!" Rose snapped, she stopping carving the pentagram and adjusted her corset; she turned around and stomped away, muttering.

"I'm going to write poetry," Greg sighed, rubbing his head.

"I'm getting too old for this shit."

* * *

Rose stomped out of her room, glaring at the gems who were lounging around the warp pad.

"WHO BURNED MY BAND TEES?" Rose shouted. Garnet sighed, and walked towards her.

"It was for your own good Rose." Garnet said. Rose gasped, clenching her heart, and backing away from the fusion. She shook her head violently, her dyed black hair whipping her in the face.

"Did you just assume my alignment?! WHO SAID I WAS GOOD?" Rose sputtered. Garnet stared at her, and then turned on her heel, throwing her hands in the air.

"I give up!" She said, walking out of the temple and towards the beach. The remaining gems looked at each other, and then looked to the third guest. He sighed and made his way to Rose, who was hyperventilating.

"Rose" Greg started. Rose grabbed her head.

"MY NAME IS IVORY!" She screeched. She jumped to her feet and glared at Greg.

"Don't underestimate me; I will sacrifice you to the Dark Lord Cthulhu!" Rose said, summoning her shield and pulling her sword from her gem, both of which she had dyed black and painted skulls over the roses. She stepped towards Greg, who took a step back. He laughed nervously, holding his hands up in surrender.

"H-Hey now, let's not do anything too r-rash here!" He stuttered. Rose growled, and then snapped her head up to Pearl.

"Pearl, where's my Hot Topic Membership card?! I'm about to cut a bitch!" Rose growled. Pearl shook her head and looked at her.

"There is no such thing as a membership card. Stop this tom foolery!" Pearl demanded. Rose screamed incomprehensibly, pushing herself off of Greg and rushing towards Pearl, pointing her sword at her neck.

"Don't talk to me about my parents!" Pearl looked at her leader with wide eyes, and then narrowed them.

"I didn't say anything about your parents. Stars, you don't even have parents!" Pearl cried out. Rose pulled her lips back, baring her teeth. The sound of crunching drew their attention over to Amethyst, who was munching on a human foot. She chewed slowly, noticing that all attention was on her. Swallowing, she spoke.

"Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way called, she wants her personality back." Rose's eye twitched, she slowly backed away from Pearl, standing still. She was twitching violently, and was muttering something to herself. They all looked at her worriedly.

"Rose?" Greg said meekly. Rose's head whirled around 180 degrees. Greg gulped.

"My-"

"Oh no."

"Name-"

"Rose, please."

 _"Is-"_

"Rose, I'm only human!"

" ** _IVORY!"_**

Rose slashed at Greg with her sword.

* * *

"-And that's the reason why I only have one testicle!" Greg finished with a smile. He ruffled Steven's hair. "Now son, do you feel better?"

Steven looked up at him. His eyes narrowed dangerously and he stood up. Staring at his father for a while, he finally spoke.

 **"My name is Ivory."**

* * *

 ** _A/N- Yes, lots of Stereotypes used here. Lynch me, flame me, or cry about me on a blog post, whatever. Hope y'all enjoyed it._**

 ** _Still open to taking suggestions_**


	6. An Emo Rose is a Dangerous Rose: Part 2

**_A/N- I'm surprised that this story has become our most popular in terms of reviews and F &F's compared to the views. It's kind of funny since this is the only story I wrote without my partner. I guess my humor goes better with the readers then my Partner and I's combined humor._**

* * *

Greg crawled backwards away from his son. He was terrified of the murderous look in his eyes, the one that had reminded him of Rose so much. Greg gulped, reaching backwards and grabbing a block of weed. He held in up in defense.

"Now listen, Steven, if this is a joke, I don't find it very funny. I wasn't joking about that one testicle thing, she fucked me up good!" Greg babbled. He stared wide-eyed at his son, who had now crawled into the van with him. He stood up, a shadow overcasting his eyes. He stays in that position for a while, before looking up. He was smiling.

"Got you!" He sang, before grabbing his sides and laughing. Greg stared at his son, slowly laughing along with him, albeit nervously. He rubbed the back of his head, throwing the block of weed back into the pile of cracks rocks, needles, and pills.

"Right, it was just a joke. So-" He cleared his throat. "Let me continue-"

Greg was interrupted by his son smacking him upside the head. He sputtered slightly as he fell to the floor of the van. There was a red mark on his cheek in shape of a hand print. He looked up to see Steven glaring at him.

"Ivory ain't a joke!" He growled out (A real growl; the 'oh wa-a-a-a' kind) "Don't make me cut off that other testicle of yours, Greg."

Greg looked up at his son in fear. He nodded quickly.

"Right, right! I won't disrespect her anymore. Now, let me continue with the-" Greg was once again interrupted when a small red gem stomped into the van, grumbling as she sat down on the floor of the van and took Greg's bong, taking a hit from it. Steven gasped.

"Ruby? What are you doing here? Did you and Sapphire get into another fight?" Steven said. Ruby ignored him, taking another hit. Greg sighed.

"For the second time, let me continue with the story, now Rose-" Ruby's head snapped up, she glared at Greg.

"I got a story! It's a story about a Gem called Sapphire who gets her period and is a complete and total bitch to another gem called Ruby." Ruby snarled out. Steven looked at her wide eyed.

"Gems get periods?" He inquired. Ruby shook her head, taking another hit.

"No, she gets sympathy periods. She sees another girl on her period; she acts like she's on it too." Ruby grumbled. She leaned back in the van and sighed softly. She frowned a little, and then looked at Steven.

"You know, I got a story about Rose if you want to listen." Ruby said. Steven grinned at her and nodded his head quickly. Greg glared at her.

"Really? You come here, jack my weed, burn a hole into my van, and now you're stealing my story time?" Greg said angrily. Ruby let out a groan.

"Fine! You first." Greg smiled at her.

"Thank you, now as I was saying-"

* * *

Greg screamed at his left nut was severed from his body. He fell to the ground with a whimper. Rose whipped around to glare at the two terrified gems. She grinned at them.

"Now, what's my name?" She asked sweetly. The two gems looked at each other.

"I-Ivory" they both said meekly. Rose frowned at them.

"Good, now if you excuse me, I have to go attend a poetry meeting; we are discussing Edgar Allen Poe and how he his works had subliminal messages of Cthulhu in the texts." Rose said, depressed. She turned on her platformers and walked out of the temple entrance. Pearl and Amethyst looked at each other, and then to Greg, who was crying out in agony. Amethyst walked up to him.

"Hey dude, at least you didn't have to worry about sitting on them anymore." She said reassuringly. Greg glared at her. Pearl sighed and walked to the entrance of the temple.

"I'm going to get Garnet, it's time to stop." Pearl murmured to herself.

Amethyst stayed there, comforting Greg until Pearl returned with Garnet. Garnet looked at the scene and adjusted her glasses.

"We need to stop Rose's reign of terror now, and I have a plan on just how to do it." Garnet said. Greg sniffled.

"Does it involve sewing my testicle back on?" he whimpered out. Garnet shook her head at him.

"No, but put it on ice. We didn't perform those experiments at the concentration camps just so you can lose a testicle due to lack of preservation." Garnet said. Amethyst and Pearl looked at her with wide eyes, she swallowed.

"I probably shouldn't have mentioned that. Doesn't matter; let's put this plan into action."

* * *

Rose adjusted her corset and skirt and tugged her fishnets back on, she sighed as she wiped the sweat off her brow. She turned around and flushed the toilet.

"Cthulhu have mercy on whoever has to use this." She murmured. She exited the bathroom after checking to make sure her makeup was in order. As she exited the bathroom and entered the lounge room of the convention center, she saw a prep leaning against the wall staring at her. Rose cleared her throat.

"I'd give that a year if I were you." Rose said. She suddenly felt someone hold her arms behind her back and place a rag over her mouth. Eyes widening, she thrashed around and attempted to head-butt the assaulter. Finally, she managed to break free from their grip and whirled around to glare at them. When she noticed it was Pearl, she turned her nose to the air.

"Nice try poser, but that won't work on me again" Rose scoffed. She heard a voice from behind her.

"She was the distraction" Rose didn't have time to react before she was tackled on the floor by the prep. She screeched and threw herself around the floor in an attempt to throw the prep off. It failed miserably, and she was pinned to the ground. A book was shoved into her face.

"Look Rose! Kittens!" the Prep, who she figured out to be Garnet, said. Rose oh-wa-a-a-a'd at her.

"It's Ivory! Those kittens are bad luck, and I'm the definition of a bad bitch!" Rose began to struggle against Garnet. Garnet frowned and looked to her side, Amethyst was standing there. Garnet pointed to one of the magazines she had under her arm. Amethyst handed it to her. Garnet shoved it into Rose's face.

"Look, pink!" Garnet said. Rose screamed, squeezing her eyes shut.

"It burns!" Rose bucked her hips up, throwing Garnet off of her. She hissed as she scrambled to her feet, pulling out her sword and shield.

"You think I won't cut a motherfucker do you? I got a degree in cutting; I'm a professional cutter now! I also obtained the power of invincibility by praying to Lord Cthulhu!" Rose laughed. Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst exchanged looks with each other, pulling out their own weapons.

"Rose, this has to stop, you are a proud Gem, not an emo!" Pearl said. Rose snorted.

"I am what I want to be, and I want to be an emo!" Rose oh-wa-a-a-a'd out, she banged her sword against her shield.

"Let's go!" Rose hollered, ready to charge when the door to the men's bathroom slammed open. There stood Greg with a determined look on his face.

"Rose, I came here to say-" Greg started, but a murderous look from Rose silenced him.

"My"

"Oh god not again."

"Name"

"Rose please! Think of our future children!"

" _Is"_

 _"_ NO!"

" ** _IVORY"_**

Rose slashed at Greg with her sword, effectively severing his nipple from his body. Greg let out a high pitched scream as he held onto his left manboob, feeling around for his nipple. He sobbed and collapsed to the floor. Rose whipped around to face the three gems, she bared her teeth at them.

"Anyone else want a piece of Satan's favorite demon?" Rose Oh-wa-a-a-a'd. The gems exchanged glances. Pearl and Garnet dissipated their weapons, standing up straight and bowing their heads in defeat. Amethyst, however, tied her whip around Rose and threw her to the wall. She smashed through it, screaming 'Oh yeah!' as she did. Amethyst jumped through the hole to meet her.

As she landed on the street, she looked up to Rose, who had landed in a hot dog stand. Rose glared at her, getting up. She let out a war-cry as she sped towards her, slashing down with her sword only for Amethyst to dodge it at the last second. Amethyst landed a couple feet away from Rose. She whipped her whip around a streetlamp and pulled it out of the ground, throwing it at Rose. Rose jumped up, the streetlamp crashing on the ground below her. Rose floated in midair.

"Cthulhu granted me with immeasurable power! You have no chance!" Rose laughed, putting her hands on her hips and looking triumphant. Amethyst growled at her (Not the Oh-wa-a-a-a kind, mind you)

"Lord Chin-Chin will assist me in battle!" Amethyst called out. She pulled out a second whip from her gem and whipped both of them at Rose. Rose dodged the first one, but the other one caught her by the leg. Amethyst turned around and threw Rose over her shoulder, sending her crashing to the ground. Rose didn't emerge from the crater. Amethyst smirked as she dissipated her whips.

"I knew those sacrifices would pay off." Amethyst said gleefully, she turned to walk away. Something struck her in the back, and she was sent flying to the other end of the street. She hit the ground hard, sliding across the road. She let out a groan as she attempted to get up, but Rose put her boot on her. She raised her sword high.

"You are a worthy opponent, but it's time to eliminate another prep from this word." Rose said. She struck down. Her sword stopped an inch away from Amethyst's chest. Rose blinked, suddenly snapping out of the Emo version of herself and coming to her sense. She looked around.

"Huh," She said "I guess it really was just a phase."

Rose phased out of her clothes and makeup, forgoing the Gothic attire for her dress instead. She shoved her sword back into her gem and held out a hand to Amethyst, who was staring wide eyed at her. Amethyst gingerly took it, allowing herself to be pulled up. Rose smiled at her.

"Come on, we should go cook Greg's nipple and testicle and serve it for dinner." She said. Amethyst smiled back.

"Yeah, let's do that."

* * *

Greg finished his story with a grim look on his face. He sighed as he rubbed the back of his head. He looked to Steven, who was smiling at him, then to Ruby, who was currently flipping through one of his playboy magazines.

"Classic Rose." He murmured wistfully, he sighed as he got up from his seat.

"Well, I'm going to go rob a hooker; have fun you two." Greg said, exiting the van. Steven looked to Ruby.

"So, do you want to tell your story now?" Steven asked Ruby. Ruby looked up from the magazine, her face flushed.

"What? Oh, uh r-right. So this story is about the time Rose inadvertently became Hitler and caused World War 2."

* * *

 _ **I thought I'd show a little appreciation, so...**_

 _ **Special thanks to Reviews and F &F's:**_

 ** _PeridotWarrior,_** ** _nic0nynja,_** ** _mimichanMC,_** ** _Mein Kapatin,_** ** _Magicknight573,_** ** _Leurie,_** ** _KillJoyGem,_** ** _Killjoy funny man,_** ** _DragShot,_** ** _Creeparium,_** ** _BigDaddieSora,_** ** _,_** ** _animefan146,_** **_Animebinge_** ** _Chad0615,_** ** _Leurie,_** ** _,_** ** _Stargirl2535,_** ** _Vgn Golley, Demo-nisshu jinketsu Duke, Ao Uta_**

 ** _And to the Guest reviewers-_**

 ** _Mimi, Rose is Bae, LORD CHIN-CHIN, Guest, Anon_**


	7. Rose, Leader of the Nazis: Part 1

**_A/N- Here's the newest chapter, we both worked on it this time since my partner knows a lot about World War 2._**

 ** _Tank- Btw not to advertise (Even though it's my own account) I finally posted a story on my Personal 'Forever Tank', so if you can just go check it out that would great!_**

* * *

Rose was many, many, many, MANY things (As we all know). She was a leader, a lover, a friend, a moon nonbeliever, a diamond breaker, a pimp, a hole enthusiast, a lamp, a queen, an emo, a tryhard, a dancing queen, an actual cannibal named Shia Labeouf, a cupcollecter, a manager of several forums that arrange organized crimes, and finally, a time traveler.

You see Steven, in our universe, World War 2 never happened. That's because Rose had to go back in time fix her horrific mistake because of her immense guilt. While your view of your mom may be warped now that we are telling you our stories about her imperfections, you may of forgotten that she is still _Rose Quartz._ She led the rebellion to free thousands of gems and liberate the Earth from the diamond rule. So how did she become Hitler?

It all started when Rose created a LAN party on a MMO called League of Warcraft (She was a time traveler after all) and named her clan 'Nazp; It was an acronym for "Nasty Ass Zebra Porn". Keep that in mind, because that information will be absolutely useless to the story later on.

Rose hummed softly to herself as she walked through the streets of Berlin. She was oblivious to her surroundings, like the people who got caught and dragged along in her hair, the cars swerving to avoid hitting her only to crash into a building and explode, and the countless of onlookers witnessing someone threatening to jump of a roof. She sighed softly as she looked up to the sky.

"If there's anything I could wish for right now, it would be-" Rose was interrupted by Pearl, who had broken out of the ground in front of her. She leaned against a light pole seductively.

"To fuck me sideways, long dick style?" Pearl said lowly, flashing her a sexy smirk. Rose stared at her, and smiled gently.

"No, it would to-" Rose was interrupted yet again by Garnet emerging form under her dress. Garnet stood up in front of Rose.

"To fulfill my fantasies of being my own person and not just a fusion that could cease to exist forever if one of my components were to die or stop loving another?" Garnet said stoically. Rose sighed and shook her head.

"Depressing, but no. I would wish for-"Rose was interrupted Yet again by Amethyst falling out of her hair. Rose glared at Amethyst, waiting for her to tell Rose her wish. Amethyst looked up at her innocently.

"What? I was just looking for chromosomes to sacrifice to Lord Chin-Chin" Amethyst said. She got up from the ground and walked off. Rose sighed.

"No, my wish would be the ability to grow a mustache!" Rose exclaimed. Pearl and Garnet stared blankly at her.

"A mustache?' Pearl repeated slowly. Rose nodded her head.

"Yep! A fine stache to assert my masculinity." Rose said cheerfully. Unbeknownst to her, a shooting star had flown over her head, it flashed once, signaling that the wish had been granted. A cloud of smoke suddenly engulfed Rose. Pearl and Garnet, fearing that she had been poofed, summoned their weapons and began to look for an enemy.

"Show yourself! "Garnet called out.

"Nein!" Both Pearl and Garnet whipped around to see Rose standing there unharmed, the only difference was that she now had a toothbrush mustache. They looked at her strangely.

"Rose, are you alright?" Pearl asked her leader. Rose stared at her blankly. She started to stroke her mustache.

"I never thought there could be so much evil in a single mustache." Rose said thoughtfully. She frowned. "Why them though? Alright, fine."

Rose turned on her heel and walked off. Pearl and Garnet looked at each other. They both shrugged; they learned not to question it whenever their leader talked to herself. They went separate ways from each other.

* * *

It was only weeks later when the Crystal Gems discovered that Rose had become a politician in Germany, and a quite popular one at that. They thought nothing of it… until she went into power. It started off fine and dandy, but then she began to blame different groups of people for Germany's struggles, most notably, the Jews.

The Crystal Gems immediately knew that something was off with Rose. So they traveled back to Germany to talk to her. When they arrived at her Office, they noticed that she had changed her hairstyle into somewhat of a combover. She looked up at them.

"Ah, my commandants have finally arrived. Quick, head over to 'Ah shit', you got work to do." Rose said dismissively. The gems looked to one another. Amethyst spoke up first.

"Uh, isn't it Out-With?" Amethyst said. Pearl shook her head.

"No, it's Auschwitz" Pearl said. This time Rose gave her a confused look.

"Nein, I named it 'Ah shit' Rose confirmed. The gems looked at each other for a while. Finally, Garnet spoke.

"Right… So anyway, why are you suddenly a piece of shit?" Garnet said simply. Pearl elbowed her side, but Garnet simply ignored her. Rose looked offended.

"Excuse me you fusion whore, but I'll have you know I am a fully certified leader now, I even got the sticker and everything!" Rose growled out, pointing to a framed sticker on the wall. It was very sparkly, and had the words 'Fully Certified Leader' written on it. Garnet shook her head.

"Not like that, I mean why are you suddenly killing people? It's not like you." Garnet said. Rose glared at her.

"Because they insulted my mustache. You see, I have to tell the media that it's because they are the blame for Germany's struggles, but the truth is that they told me I looked like I had shit on my lip. I won't stand for that kind of behavior!" Rose exclaimed, slamming her fist down on the table. Pearl rolled her eyes.

"Yeah right, then why is your army attacking other countries" Pearl accused. Rose shrugged.

"I don't know, I just said I would return Germany to her former glory and then they just started to invade other countries. They aren't very good listeners." Rose said. Garnet sighed, inching the bridge of her nose.

"Then will you please just tell them to back off?" Garnet sighed. Rose rubbed her chin thoughtfully.

"Hm, I would, but… it's only 1940 so we still have a couple of years before I can call it off." Rose said. The gems stared at her.

"You're kidding, right?" Amethyst said. Rose shook her head.

"Nope, give it five years. Goodbye now, I got a date with my mustache!" Rose dismissed them. Knowing how stubborn their leader could be, the gems had no other choice but to listen and leave the room.

They could deal with it later.

* * *

 _ **A/N-**_ ** _( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_**


	8. Rose, Leader of the Nazis: Part 2

**_A/N- Sorry this took so long to get out, I was busy and just sort of had a lack of motivation to write. I'll try to get back into the swing of things._**

* * *

Pearl shrunk away from the soldiers marching along the streets. She looked around the streets of Germany, seeing the absolute disarray it was in. She frowned, and pulled her trench coat closer to her body.

 _"Just got to find Garnet and Amethyst"_ She thought to herself. Picking up the pace. She finally reached an abandoned building, which she quickly went into and shut the door. She sighed in relief, and threw off her disguise. Pearl looked to Garnet and Amethyst, who were hunched in a corner whispering quietly to each other.

"So what's going on? What's the plan?" Pearl asked. Amethyst raised her head.

"Well, we met this girl named Anne Frank, and she was kind of a bitch, so we gave her up to the Nazis. Also, we found Rose; she upstairs tied up." Amethyst said. Pearl grinned and clapped her hands together.

"That's great! I call dibs!" Pearl said, her voice dropping an octave as she said the last part of her sentence. Garnet shook her head.

"Too late, I already destroyed her. You should go talk to her though; try to see if you can convince her to stop this nonsense." Garnet said. Pearl nodded, and made her way up the stairs. As she climbed up the last steps, she caught sight of Rose attempting to gnaw through her ropes. Rose's eyes darted to her, and she stopped her gnawing to smile at her.

"Oh! Pearl, my finest commandant! How have you been?" Rose said. Pearl shook her head at her.

"No, this isn't what this is about Rose. Why have you been doing this, this isn't like you?" Pearl asked softly. Rose gave her a confused look.

"Doing what? There was such a huge time skip between this chapter and the last one that even I have no idea what I've been doing. Oh, and I told my name is Adolf Hitler now, we've been over this." Rose said cheerfully. Pearl groaned and smacked her head-

* * *

"Wait! Now that you mentioned it, why didn't you mention the other things that rose did, and how did you know what Pearl said to rose?" Steven asked Ruby. Ruby sighed, and scratched that back of her head.

"Well, to be honest, me- Well, Garnet- Amethyst, and Pearl were all too high to remember exactly what happened; we found Rose's crack stash shortly after we returned from Germany. Oh, and I know about Pearl's conversation with Rose because Garnet was watching her from the staircase just in case they started to do the diddly with each other. She's kind of a voyeur, you know?" Ruby explained. Steven gave her a strange look.

"But wait; didn't you guys perform experiments at the concentration camps? Dad mentioned that in his story." Steven asked. Ruby smacked her head.

"Right! We did do that, how about I tell you about that; the rest of Pearl's interrogation is boring."

* * *

"Stars damnit Amethyst, I thought I told you to stop eating the severed limbs!" Pearl yelled at Amethyst, who was currently munching on a leg. She swallowed the chuck of flesh, before speaking.  
"What? It's not like they'll be able use it!" Amethyst retorted. Pearl groaned and smacked her head.

"We don't know that yet Amethyst! That's why we are doing these experiments, though evil, it could help benefit humanity!" Pearl scolded her. Amethyst rolled her eyes.

"Well, humanity already has a benefit: They taste delicious." Amethyst resumed eating. Rose walked into the room. She was wearing a strange uniform with a red armband; her toothbrush mustache was neatly combed, and she changed her hair into a comb-over of a sorts.

"Hallo Ametitz and perl, iz za experimentz goinz wellz?" Rose said (In a horrible German accent). Pearl growled.

"They would go better if Amethyst would stop eating the limbs!" Pearl complained. Rose shook her head.

"Nein, Nein, titz iz all shiza, only I can eat ze limbz. Ametitz, come take a shower with me" Rose said. Amethyst jumped up eagerly.

"Hell yeah, I love cyanide poisoning!" Amethyst followed Rose out of the room. Moments later, Garnet entered.

"It works; if you keep the limbs on ice and reattach them later, they can still be used." Garnet said. Pearl let out a relieved sigh as she pulled her bloodied gloves off.

"Finally, we got results! Now we can leave this dreadful place and go back to the temple and… not smoke crack." Pearl said, her voice trailing off slightly as she a sudden realization came over her. She looked to Garnet, who also looked distressed.

"Garnet… what have we've been doing, this is not right." Pearl said quietly. Garnet looked away.

"I know…" She said softly. They sat there in silence, before Garnet spoke again. "Come on, let's go smoke, it'll make us feel better." Pearl gave her a small smile and nodded, rubbing her arm.

"O-okay, I call first."

Pearl nodded in agreement.

* * *

"Yep, that's pretty much how the experiments went. Now, back to the interrogation-" ""This is boring, I want to hear more about the funnier stories!" Steven whined, interrupting Ruby. She stared at him for a long time.

"These stories aren't meant to be funny Steven; these stories are us trying to tell you how your mother wasn't perfect. Now, let me finish-"

* * *

So after about an hour of Pearl explaining to Rose exactly what she had been doing over the past 6 years, she was met with a blank stare. After Pearl finished her explanation, Rose continued to stare at her. Finally, Rose began to speak.

"Pearl... I haven't been killing just the Jews, atheists, or handicapped... I've been killing the _**Mooners.**_ " Rose said, her eyes narrowing at the last sentence. Pearl's eye twitched.

"Wait... Are you telling me that you have been killing all these humans... just because THEY BELIEVE IN THE MOON?!" Pearl squawked. Rose smiled and nodded at her.

"Yep, that and they didn't succumb to the way of the pimp hand, but mostly the moon. I mean come on Pearl, how many times do I have to say it; The moon is a clever ploy created by the Diamonds in order to trick people into buying sex toys for their loved ones so they can get STD - Sex Toy Dependency- and rely on their toys for pleasure so the Diamonds can have all the Fuckbois and hoes for themselves. Silly, silly Pearl" Rose explained, shaking her head and smiling at the last part. She pulled her hand out of the binds and patted Pearl's head. Pearl stared at her with wide eyes.

"I thought... Their plot had to do with pet shops?" Pearl whispered. Rose scoffed.

"That's what they **want** you to think!" Rose answered.

"BUT YOU TOLD ME THAT EXACT THEORY YEARS AGO!" Pearl yelled, losing her composure for the first time in a while. Rose sighed.

"That was probably my twin sister, Nose, or maybe it was Prose, or Scose, or As The Wind Blows, or Gunther. Either one of those 5, you do know I'm not an only copy right?" Rose said. Pearl let out a scream as she tugged on her hair.

"YOU MAKE NO SENSE!" Rose laughed at that.

"Of course I do! I'm the supreme leader of Germany, I make tons of money!" Rose said cheerfully. Pearl screamed incomprehensibly as she jumped out the window. There was a distinct _'Thud!'_ as she presumably hit the ground. Finally deciding to intervene, Garnet and Amethyst walked into the room.

"Rose, I think we know what's wrong with you." Amethyst said. She and Garnet looked at each other, before nodding and looking back to Rose.

"Ever since you got that mustache, you've become a psychopath." Garnet added. Amethyst pulled a razor out of her ass.

"So we are going to shave it off!" Amethyst finished. Rose's eyes widened, she began to hyperventilate as she shook her head.

"No, anything but that! What am I supposed to stroke when I'm deep in thought?!" Rose said. Garnet and Amethyst shrugged. They approached her with the razor.

"No, stay back! Don't make me go super saiyan!" Rose threatened. They did not listen, as Garnet held her head down, while Amethyst shaved her mustache in a single motion. The severed mustache drifted slowly to the floor, and Rose blinked her eyes rapidly, as if she was knocked out of a trance. She looked around, as if noticing her surroundings for the first time.

"Amethyst, Garnet... where am I? Are we playing Guess What's In My Mouth again? You know I only play that with human men!" Rose said, her brow furrowing. Garnet and Amethyst smiled. They untied her binds and helped her up.

"That's what we wanted to hear. Now, come on, let's go dress up Pearl as Hitler and put her in a bunker with some hooker we shot and fed cyanide." Garnet said gently. Rose smiled and clapped her hands.

"Oh, that sounds fun!" She chirped. They all retreated out of the building.

None of them seem to notice how the previously shaved mustache slowly crawled out the window, or how it planted it's self on a certain white gem's head, blending in with her hair.

* * *

"Yep, that's pretty much it." Ruby finished, leaning back on a pile of unopened frowned.

"Yeah... good story. I'm going to go and see if Sapphire is okay. See you later!" Steven said, he jumped out the van and began running towards the temple. Ruby watched after him.

"Huh, strange." She murmured. She felt her shoulder being tapped, and she turned around to lock eyes with Greg, who had returned from robbing a hooker Grand Theft Auto style. Greg grinned at her.

"So, you want the murdercock?" Greg lowly.

Ruby then proceeded to burn off his other testicle.

* * *

 _ **A/N- Sorry if this seems half-assed or like a cop-out, it's really hard to write for WWII without my partner, who knows more about it than I do. Anyway, I'm still taking suggestions, so feel free to leave them.**_


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